Room 218, Friday Night

[glacial_queen]

Half an hour before the dance was scheduled to begin, Karla was ready. Her hair was done, makeup applied (less expertly than if Emma had done it, but at least passable), and dress--scandalously short by Karla's standards--donned and sensibly kept away from anything that could spill, leak, or stain it. Which meant that Karla was sitting on her bed, dress ruffled out so it didn't crease, not touching anything.

A lot of work and prep (and, to be honest, frustration and now boredom) for a dance Karla wasn't certain she was even going to.

Neither she nor Warren had said anything about going to the dance tonight, either together or separately. In fact, they hadn't even spoken together since their incredibly awkward date on Tuesday. She'd barely been on the island this week, so even if he'd wanted to ask her, he would hardly have had the chance to do so. As for asking him, well, she'd promised to back off and let him have room to come to terms with everything, which pretty much had meant no contact on her part. There were probably--okay, there were almost certainly--better ways to handle this, but damned if Karla could think of any.

Last night, she'd told Raven she doubted they'd be going to the dance and had meant it, but waking up to find the blue rose outside her door and his message about pineapples made her doubt turn to hope. He cared enough to send her a rose, cared enough to find a blue one because it made him think of her. That had to be a sign that things were going to work out...didn't it?

That hope lasted until about forty-five minutes after the dance started. Concern took up another twenty or so and then was followed by the sinking realization that Warren probably wasn't coming. Maybe he was already at the dance. Maybe he'd chosen to skip it entirely. Whatever the reason, he wasn't going to be knocking on her door to offer to escort her tonight.

It was stupid to feel hurt by that, right? Karla was pretty certain the answer to that was a resounding 'yes,' considering the circumstances. It didn't stop her from feeling that way anyway. In seconds her make up was ruined; she hadn't bothered with waterproof and now looked like a raccoon. But the storm was brief and past quickly. Honestly, Karla was tired of crying all the time. It felt like she'd done more of that in the past six weeks than she had in all the years since her parents had died combined. Enough was enough already. Especially over something silly, like a stupid dance she hadn't been asked to anyway.

Jumping up from her bed, she grabbed a knapsack and started shoving clothing into it. Time for a much-overdue visit to Kaeleer, she decided. She'd stay the weekend, maybe even through Monday. Get her head on straight. Figure out a better plan than this waiting around like a damsel in distress. Karla was a Queen, not some shy, shrinking maiden locked away in the tower. The time for crying and hand-wringing was over. Forget this.

Still in her pretty red party dress, Karla snagged her phone and started dialing the number for Portalocity. There'd probably be a wait, but whatever. Maybe she'd spend the time at the dance--she'd bought a pair of tickets herself, just in case Warren had forgotten. Still listening to the phone ring, Karla yanked her door open, just in time to see--

"Warren."

[For the one mentioned, please.]

Comments

[glacial_queen]

Unfortunately, the awkward seemed to have decided to come inside with them, instead of staying outside in the hallway where it belonged. Dammit.

"Would you like to sit?" Karla offered. Again, awkwardly, but it barely needed to be said anymore, did it? "Or something to drink? I could make tea..."

And then she just stood there, playing with the ribbon on her dress. That was helpful, Karla, really.

[wwiii]

Warren chewed on his lip, and then looked around for a place to sit down.

"Tea would be good, thanks," he replied. It was something to keep him grounded. Keep talking while there was still tea. No panicking and making a beeline for the door.

Wherever the backbone that he'd had the last time he'd come to her room went, he'd really like that back, now.

"Uh... How have you been?"

Smooth.

[glacial_queen]

Puttering around with her tea things, Karla nearly answered 'Fine.' But that spirit of 'enough is enough' stuck with her.

Glancing over to him, she replied, "Not all well." Honestly with just a hint of tarness, woo! "Tired of crying, for one thing. Edging over into frustrated." She paused, thoughtfully, and said, "No. Definitely frustrated."

Tongues of witchfire sprang up over the water in the kettle as she turned towards him fully. "I understand that there's no magical springing back to the way things were. And I respect that you need space to sort things through and try to recover. I did something horrible to you. But, you said that you'd give me a second chance. And I'm starting to wonder if that's actually true. Because...because it's not really feeling that way."

[wwiii]

"Isn't it?"

That hadn't entirely been something that Warren had been expecting to hear, right there. The look on his face might have betrayed that fact, just a little, but he was trying to bite it down.

"... If I wasn't trying, Karla, I wouldn't have come to your door at all."

It was about the best that he had.

[glacial_queen]

"I know and I'm not saying you're not trying," Karla said, running her fingers through her hair, "but then...I've seen you once since we got back. And we barely spoke. And when we did, it was as awkward as, well, now. I guess I just wish I knew what I was allowed to do. I'm trying not to push you or force myself on you, but it's hard to try to prove anything to you when I don't see you. I'm no longer welcome in your room, so it's starting to feel like classes might be my only chance of...anything." Her moment of frustrated energy had long since run out, leaving her sounding mostly just tired.

"I'm not trying to make you give me more than you think you can right now. I just...want to know what that is."

[wwiii]

"Not welcome in my room? I didn't say that, did I?"

Oh, Warren. The things that went on in the world around you while you buried your brains in budgets.

"It doesn't have to be just classes," he offered, finally. "I mean... there are things that we can do, right? Maybe the weirdness on Tuesday was just... I don't know... Us trying to act casual in front of other people?"

And failing miserably?

[glacial_queen]

"Not welcome...?" Karla would get to the rest of that in a moment, but her brain was stuttering. "It might not have said so in quite so many words, but the note was pretty clear about that," she said, shaking her head. "Look, it was deserved. I'm not actually arguing that. I would have done the same thing. But even if it wasn't meant that way, you can't possibly expect me to feel comfortable there anymore, can you?"

[wwiii]

"I... guess?" Give Warren another moment to be thoroughly confused. "Did I write a note?"

He didn't remember writing a note. He was fairly certain that he would have remembered writing a note. Right?

[glacial_queen]

"No...but I'd assumed you'd seen it before she sent it..."

And this is what you get for assuming, Karla. You make an ass of yourself and...nope, just of yourself.

And now Karla was biting her lip and doing a bit of mental adjusting.

"Oh."

Still not helpful, Karla.

[wwiii]

"She..." Warren's face fell a little, and his wings drooped a bit to join it. "Hinata was... pretty mad, huh?"

See, Warren could make connections when he'd been given enough of them!

[glacial_queen]

"She had--has--every right to be," Karla said softly. "She's your friend and your roommate. And I did something terrible to you. Had our positions been reversed, I can't say I would have acted any different. Perhaps not as...eloquent, but there's nothing she wrote that I can disagree with."

[wwiii]

Warren's guts felt kind of like they were coming up to say hello to the inside of his chest. Which was more a by-product of what he'd just been told than any leftover settling of his innards, post-healing.

Well. That was... awkward.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly. "I didn't know. Maybe we can... just do things somewhere else, more often, to make up for that."

[glacial_queen]

"It's not your fault," Karla pointed out quietly. "It's mine. I created the situation, I'll deal with it. I just...thought you knew, was all." And agreed, but that didn't need to be said. "But I'd like that. I'm just not entirely sure what you want. From me. With me. Whatever."

[wwiii]

Warren drew in a slow, deep breath, shutting his eyes for a moment. He needed the moment's peace. Not much made sense anymore, and if he just took a second for a time out, maybe that would change, bit by bit.

He exhaled, opening his eyes again and looking at her.

"Before I... make up my mind there, I think... I still want to know why." It kind of felt like dredging up a two-week-old mess, now, but at the same time, he wasn't going to sleep at night, and she wasn't going to stop beating herself up about it, unless they could both stop dwelling on it. "You were going to tell me before. Almost."

[glacial_queen]

"I did tell you," Karla protested. Except that wasn't the whole truth and she knew it. "I just...I wasn't even sure if the rest of it was relevant. Or if you'd be able to understand. Or if I could even explain it, without trying to sound like I was making excuses."

She sat down on her bed, drawing her knees up against her chest. Not the most ladylike or modest of poses, but Karla had trouble caring about that even when she wasn't trying to explain all this.

"Back home, in Kaeleer, things are just so...different. And sometimes, here, the lines get blurry between the two. And sometimes, in the heat of the moment, when I'm not thinking, just reacting on instinct, I respond like I'm in Kaeleer and just kind of expect everyone else to react that way, too." She was explaining this horribly, she knew. Still groping towards and explanation that hovered maddeningly out of reach. "If I had done to Lucivar what I did to you, he probably would have pounded me into the dirt for a solid month. But, at the same time, he would have understood. Because I'm a Queen, even if I'm not his Queen. And he was raised to defend and protect. To serve. It's ingrained in all of us, the give and take between sexes, between castes. And when I'm not thinking, I just default back to that."

She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I'm not trying to make excuses! But my knee-jerk reactions--my instincts--they're all from home." She looked up at him, searchingly, for some hint that he understood.

[wwiii]

Warren was chewing on the inside of his cheek again. Listening. Thinking.

"Our upbringings were both so different," he said, finally, a little more softly. "It's easy to forget, sometimes."

For both of them.

"It was... the heat of the moment. And I understand the action itself, and the motive. It's just really, really hard to take it and equate it along to you. I have to stop, and pick it apart, and kind of peel your face away from it sometimes. If it's anyone but you, it's... easier to understand."

He looked down, shrugging a little as he did so. It was hardly fair. He realized that.

"I'm not Kaeleeran. I don't have those same instincts. I'm... not even really hero material, either, though. I don't think you have to be from Kaeleer to understand your logic at the time, either. Maybe you have to be more... used to situations like that. Enough to understand why."

He swallowed, and then looked up again.

"I can understand, Karla. But it still... scares me. I'm just learning how to live again. I'm not in any hurry to die."

[glacial_queen]

"Bobby said something similar," Karla said quietly. "Not because I'd explained it to him, but...he'd said if it had been him, or Kennedy, or Professor Skywalker, it would have been different. But that you're a civilian. Dinah said pretty much the same thing."

She tentatively reached over and patted his hand, quickly, though, in case he was planning on snatching it away.

"I understand the difference, I really do. And, Darkness knows, I don't want you to die. I don't even like seeing you get hurt, even if you can Heal up again. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you'll ever know how much. I need to remember that my friends here are different from my Court at home. There may be some overlap in people, but not in attitudes. Lots of things have been blurring, the more I consider Fandom my home. But it's not the same. And I have to remember that."

[wwiii]

"Yeah," Warren replied, sighing a little. "I think we both do."

It was a lot to take in. He'd gone from happy son of a millionaire to freak son of a millionaire, and then life had gone rushing by him on the other side of a window. And now here he was, the free son of a millionaire, and to hell with the millionaire thing, for all he cared, and even the normal people were sometimes beyond him.

But he'd been dating a Queen, not just a normal person. He had to have been aware from the get-go that this wasn't going to be a typical high school sweetheart situation like on TV.

He was still angry, was still antsy, and he still had every right to be. But he understood. That made a lot of difference on its own.

"When I said I was willing to give you a chance," he said, after a moment, "I meant that. But I think... we might have to do it differently, this time. We... both have a lot to learn about each other. Maybe we go more slowly, and take it from there?"

[glacial_queen]

Funny, how one's heart could leap and plummet at the same time. "What does that mean?" Karla asked carefully. "Do what differently? Go slower how?"

There were very few terms she wouldn't accept if it meant having a chance to win back Warren's trust and love again. But what he was suggesting...Karla didn't really understand what he meant.

[wwiii]

Really, it was a good question, wasn't it?

"We... spent a lot of time just being together. And I'm not... saying that's wrong. But you know just as well as I do how easy it is for us to kind of just... fall together, so that everything feels right no matter what."

Warren drew in a slow breath. Oh man, where to start?

"I don't think we can do that. Not at first. We... almost need some kind of pseudo pants-rule again. One of us has to be wearing pants until we both understand what we're getting ourselves into."

Warren had to understand that he was stepping into a world that wasn't safe and sheltered and a hundred paces away from the real world and all of the trouble that came with it. Karla had to understand that the world that Warren had stepped out of was.

... Not that he didn't like what went on once the pants came off. Hi, he was still a guy, here.

[glacial_queen]

Part of the problem was his was just as foreign as hers. The last time she'd lived in a world that was safe and sheltered, she'd been nine. Almost half her lifetime, and she barely remembered the much of that.

"The pants rule again?" Karla groaned. She had also quite enjoyed what had happened when the pants came off. You know, that time.

But, to her credit, she quickly stifled that and nodded instead. "You're right," she said, after a moment's thought. "It's hard to think when we're together. Like that. Hard to think about anything, really. I..." she swallowed, hard. "I want you with me. Always. I love you. I don't want to love anyone else but you. But we can't just keep assuming that everything's going to be okay just because we love each other. That's for children's stories."

[wwiii]

"Children's stories and really badly written television shows," Warren agreed. Because, hey, he'd kind of been raised by the television, more than a parent who was willing to sit down and read to him.

The Sesame Street education had done him a bit of good, at least?

"Making things work takes work. I do know that much. And... it can't, I don't think, if neither of us really understand one another."

There was a long pause, and then he offered her a small smile.

"I love you, too. That hasn't changed. I just might be a little more careful about it, for a while."

[glacial_queen]

That stung, too. The idea that he had to be careful about loving her. But she knew full-well what he meant. And why it was necessary.

"Sometime, perhaps, you should come home with me," Karla suggested. "To really understand what it's like. What I'm used to. I'd like that, if you would. And I think it might help you understand me, a little better."

And also so he could see her world was not all jhinka attacks and Agio.

[wwiii]

Warren nodded a little bit. There was that moment of hesitation, at first. That split-second of panic as he remembered thousands of bodies, obliterated in an instant, people waiting to die, people mourning. Streets slick with blood.

But that wasn't what it had been the first time he'd gone to Kaeleer. If he hadn't been there before Agio, he might never have so much as considered giving it another chance.

"If I could take you home, too, I would. I mean, not just to the New York that Fandom has access to... That's the same idea, but it's not really..." He wrinkled his nose, trying to figure out how to put it. "There's nothing to hide from, here."

That was about the best that he could do.

Warren was generally fairly good at hiding.

[glacial_queen]

"All the same, I think maybe I should go home and visit your home sometime," Karla said gently. "Maybe not your actual house, but..."

She reached out a gently caressed a wing. "Your New York shaped you just as my home shaped me. I can't imagine what it was like for you, growing up with wings--at least, not how it mattered for you so much. I mean, I understand it? But I don't exactly get it. And I should."