Room 218, Friday Morning

[glacial_queen]

Didi was gone. Drake was gone. Dinah was going. Elena was gone. Ben had left in a rush and hadn't even bothered to say goodbye. Not that Karla could blame him. His empathy must have been killing him right then--no pun intended. She could feel Jono's pain roiling off him in waves, probably from the other side of the island. He wasn't in the dorms, at least. She'd already checked.

She knew she couldn't stay in her dorm and cry all day, no matter how appealing that option was right now. So in a few minutes, she would get up and wash her face and figure out what she could to help out today.

But for those next few minutes, she was just going to curl up on her bed and cry.

[Mostly establishy, as I'm leaving the house to help out with errands for a few hours, but open if folks don't mind SP.]

Comments

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

Peter wasn't as acutely aware of the wash of emotion. But he did know that some of his friends who'd been here longer were having a rough week.

Which is why he showed up at Karla's door and knocked with his free hand. The other hand help a single frosted chocolate cupcake, from a supply he'd picked up from J,GOB. But delivering them one by one, that'd make folks think it was just for them. He knew it wasn't, but it wasn't a lie to do something that'd make them feel a little better.

"Karla, you in?" he said, through the door.

[glacial_queen]

Karla quickly sat up and attempted to brush away the tears. "Yes," she called, wishing her voice didn't sound so quavery. "Peter, is that you? You can come in. It isn't locked."

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"It's me," Peter said, opening the door with his free hand. "I had a spare cupcake and was hoping you'd do me a favor and take it off my hands." He gave her a reassuring smile, but he wasn't going to push or pry.

[glacial_queen]

Karla sniffled a bit, but smiled all the same. "Well, I'd hate for a perfectly good cupcake to go to waste," she said.

She knew there was no way she could pretend like she hadn't been crying. Unlike some females she knew, Karla was not a pretty crier. Her eyes, cheeks, and nose got all red and puffy when she cried. "Just happened to have one lying around?" she asked.

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"Fell from the sky, right into my hand" Peter said. He walked over and held out the cupcake for her, his posture relaxed. "The wonders of Fandom never cease. I've also got a feeling we've got a lot more wonders to find, too."

[glacial_queen]

"I wish it really would rain cupcakes today," Karla said, glancing out her window. "This probably just fell off the roof."

It was a weak attempt at a joke, but still a joke, right?

"Would you like to sit down?" she asked, belatedly remembering her manners as she reached for the cupcake. She nodded at her desk chair, which obligingly slid out a few inches. "You come bearing cupcakes. I certainly won't make you stand."

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"I can sit if you want," Peter said, sitting down after she took the little cake. "Seems like there's been a slow exodus out of the school the past few days. I'm thinking those of us that get to stay, we might be the lucky ones."

[glacial_queen]

Karla nodded dully. "I hate this," she admitted. "I'm...really bad at letting people go."

Because when she let people go, they stood a really high chance of never coming back.

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"I'm not going to pretend I know anything that will make it better," Peter said, scratching the side of his scruffy face with a hand. "At least, nothing other than time. You eventually get over people leaving your life. Even when they suddenly appear again for a short time."

[glacial_queen]

Karla shrugged a bit. "Seven years and counting," she murmured.

Having Jaenelle come back had been good for that, though nothing could make up for the three long years where she thought her best friend was dead, or worse, broken.

"Is that something you're used to?" she asked. "People suddenly reappearing?"

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"When I first came to school here, my father was teaching," Peter said. "He'd left home four years ago and I hadn't even heard him on the phone or gotten a letter. And now, he disappeared again."

He shrugged. "He's probably just back in the mental institution."

[glacial_queen]

"I'm sorry," Karla said, reaching out to put her hand on Peter's arm, if he'd let her. "Are you okay?"

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"I did mention mental institution, right?" Peter said. "Walter isn't exactly the kind of man you want teaching impressionable high school students to begin with. So him being gone is probably best for everyone."

He didn't move away, though. "He's a pretty lousy dad, too. But I didn't exactly come here to talk about my problems."

[glacial_queen]

"No," Karla said lightly. "You came to foist off your cupcake of questionable origins onto me."

Those so-called 'questionable origins' weren't stopping her from taking a large bite, though.

"Thanks," she said after she'd swallowed. She didn't just mean for the cupcake.

[nothornlessrose.livejournal.com]

Cassidy knew that people that Karla was close to were leaving this week and she couldn't seem to think of a way to lessen her friend and Sister Queen's pain. (She had buried her own sadness over Hiccup and Toothless leaving in order to try to be aware of people around her.)

So, she did the next best thing she could think of. She spent time in the kitchen of one of the Common Room's baking (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomhighdorms/1964810.html). It wasn't exactly the same as being in the garden, but cooking was another way that she dealt with things that she didn't want to think about.

That would be why at some point, there would be a spelled box that appeared outside of Karla's door. The box contained a bowl full of chocolate chip cookies. There was a warming spell on the bowl so that they stayed warm until Karla retrieved them. Then, to make sure that Karla knew they were from her and therefore safe, she put a card with her name on it, and then added a Tiger-Eye shield to the whole thing.

She would not intrude on a Sister's grief, but she would make sure that there was a clear message that she was not alone and that Cassidy was there for her if she needed her.

[glacial_queen]

It was mini-Morton who discovered the cookies. There was some excited beeping as he brought the box back inside. The shield let her guess who her mysterious benefactor was before she even saw the card, and there might have been a little more grateful sniffling as she withdrew a cookie or two (or three, or four).

*Thank you,* she sent on a psychic thread. *Just...thank you.*

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Cloud had taken on the habit of listening to the radio from now on. Connecting the dots and knowing that Karla would one of the people getting the worst for seeing her friends leaving didn't take much time. After debating whether he had any right to go and check on her, he decided it was up to her to decide that.

So he was going to lean next to the door. Friends were supposed to be there for other friends, and in Cloud's mind, that was the closest he could be for her. It was up to the girl to deem him worth of sharing her pain, or distress, or whatever. He had plenty of stuff to think about himself anyway.

[glacial_queen]

"Cloud?" Karla called through the door, "is that you?"

She rather thought he was there, based on his psychic scent, but she wasn't sure if he was coming to see her or not.

She got up and opened the door. "Would you like to come in?" she invited, a tad shyly.

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Cloud opened his eyes, and turned towards the door. "Yeah, it's me." He hadn't been sure if Karla would knew he was there, but apparently she knew. "I'm coming in now", announced, finding his own words weird. It wasn't as if Karla wasn't precisely in a condition where he shouldn't see her if she was inviting him...but it was better to make sure.

So he opened the door and entered, giving a couple of steps inside, and then deciding he was utterly lost regarding what to do with himself now. "So", said as he looked around, "How are you? And don't give me a 'good' for an answer unless you want to point out the reasons behind it." Maybe he should go back and lean in the edge of the door, but that gesture seemed a bit ridiculous for him.

[glacial_queen]

"You can sit," Karla said, gesturing to her desk chair, still pulled over towards the side of her bed. She was secretly a little amused at how...at a loss Cloud looked. As if he'd planned everything up to arriving at her door and now was unsure what happened next.

"I'm...coping," she answered a moment later. "I keep reminding myself that I'm not the worst hurt. It's helping me to pull myself together."

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Truly, Cloud hadn't really thought he would enter Karla's room; just lean there quietly. Nodding in appreciation, he took the chair and took another look at her. Now it would come in handy to have some magic powers for himself, as he had no idea of how to be empathetic enough to say just what he needed to say.

Well, it wasn't as if everyone had those powers anyway. He would need to try. "Just...don't think that because you aren't the most hurt you aren't allowed to hurt. I...pretty much excel at grieving, so believe me when I say you need that out of your system on your own rhythm." He decided it was a little too on the harsh side, though. "You'll be fine. I don't mean fine as in forgetting your friends, but fine as in growing from this and learning from your memories." Oh yeah, he was great when it come to inspirational speeches.

[glacial_queen]

Karla smiled a bit wistfully, hearing an echo of her conversation with Ben in that. "I know," she said quietly. "Though it helps to hear from someone else. Sometimes I just...throw myself in keeping everyone else together and hope that when I'm done, I'll magically feel better myself."

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Oh good, she was smiling. He could drop the inner flailing now. "So you are the type that needs someone to make sure you are taking care of yourself?" It sort of made sense, somehow. "Helping others...does help ourselves, but it's not enough. Some healing needs to be directed at ourselves too."

[glacial_queen]

"I'd try to tell you no," Karla said, resting her chin on the tops of her knees, "but then an entire bevy of people would come to my room and laugh at me."

Mini-Morton, her droid, was already making a few skeptical sounding beeps, in fact.

"A Queen has to look after everyone first," she added with a shrug. "So her Court looks after their Queen."

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure they would laugh with you, actually." So much for being funny, he knew. "Altruism isn't a matter of laughs."

Regardless of what Mini-Morton thought, of course. Although the beeps sounded pretty sarcastic.

"And when a Queen's court is not...available?"

[glacial_queen]

"Then she hopes she has friends she can count on in her stead," Karla admitted ruefully. "Friends, family, even random strangers sometimes. Until I came to Fandom, I had never really been alone."

There had always been Morton, if no one else.

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

"You are not alone anymore", said with a reassuring glance.

Yeah, that was the only thing he could say. "Remember that."

[glacial_queen]

Karla gave him a sweet, if slightly wistful smile. "I know," she said. "And I will."

[eyesofahero.livejournal.com]

Cloud nodded. "Good." His point proven, he found at a loss of what to add. This cheering people up business was difficult. "What are you going to do now? As in, the rest of the day?" Better to leave her with plans, or else she might get into that mood again.

[glacial_queen]

Karla shrugged a bit. "Go wash my face a bit," she admitted. "Maybe take a nap. It's what Mini-Morton wants me to do anyway."

The droid beeped again. Bossily.

"Zack and I have handwavy plans to bake cookies today, for the picnic tomorrow. So I'll probably spend the evening doing that. It should be fun."

[endsthegame]

There was a spot of knocking, then; Ender wasn't nearly as thrown by the departures, but he had a feeling some people might be.

[[ sp is made of shiny! ]]

[glacial_queen]

This was Karla's first year of them. Last summer, she'd only had a summer at the most to get to know the departing seniors.

Last year hadn't had any deaths, either.

"Come in, Ender," she called. Damn, psychic scents were handy that way.

She was very glad to see him.

[endsthegame]

He smiled slightly, and slid quietly into the room. His eyes searched for a spot to sit, and, having found such a horizontal surface, Ender sank down on it. "I guess asking you how you're holding up would be slightly redundant," he said, no dry humor in sight, and raised his eyebrows at her.

[glacial_queen]

"I'm kind of crap at goodbyes." She tried to sound matter-of-fact about it, but her red-rimmed eyes probably gave her away. "Especially permanent ones."

[endsthegame]

"And I'd point out that they happen," he said, leaning forward towards her, "But you know that, too." Ender wasn't going to say something as forward as 'tell me how you're feeling'... just yet, but he made sure it was in his body language; years (had it been years, now?) of sharing a room with Ben had been a useful instruction in communicating openness to someone else's feelings.

[glacial_queen]

Karla appreciated the openness. "It doesn't make them any easier to handle," Karla said, stubbornly. "I know that not every goodbye is forever...but it's not all that easy convincing my heart of something my head only barely accepts."

[endsthegame]

"It doesn't," he agreed, softly. "After all, you love them dearly. Memories make a poor substitute."

Unless you were Ender, and you never let yourself get that attached anyway (unless it was Valentine).

"But they do help. So tell me a few things you're going to miss."

[glacial_queen]

"I'll miss Drake's classes," Karla said, the words tumbling out of her. "And the way he called me the 'wee blonde scourge' and how he didn't take offense when I told him the books we were reading treated females like chattle. And I'll miss Didi's kindness and the way she just...understood things. I loved to gossip with Elena and she helped me pick out clothes and--" she couldn't mention Gaia, so she moved on quickly. "Dinah...Dinah is like the big sister I never had. We airwalked together and I teased her about Helena and she visited me at 'Dite's and she threw me my birthday party and it's Dinah. Narrowing down why I'll miss her is like trying to explain why I miss Morton and Jaenelle."

[endsthegame]

"But you left them behind, too," Ender replied. He smiled a little bit, just by the slightest margin. "Dinah will be back. So will Elena. And Morton. And Jaenelle." He tilted his head. "But tell me about Didi and Drake," he added, hoping he hadn't misunderstood recent radio broadcasts.

[glacial_queen]

"I didn't have much of a choice," Karla reminded, drawing up her knees. "And when I came here, I hadn't seen Jaenelle in three years."

And by then, she'd already assumed the worst.

"I knew Drake better than I did Didi," she continued. "He was fun and interesting and one of the most alive people I ever met." She winced, but it had been true. "Probably because he knew he only had a short time and was determined to make the most of it. He gave me those frogs," she said, pointing to the terrarium on her bureau.

[endsthegame]

"I never accused you of having one," Ender said, and that smile hadn't gone anywhere. "Likewise, nobody who left had much of one."

He stretched out his legs and watched her as she spoke. "Why the frogs?" he asked, at last.

[glacial_queen]

Dinah totally could have taken Karla up on her offer of becoming a professional lace-tatter or whatever. It was totally a viable option!

"Delirium--Didi's sister and not the one on the island--created them for him during Parent's Weekend," Karla said, ignoring Ender's other comment for now. She knew that no one who had left her had a choice, but that didn't make it easier. "He wanted to make sure they were taken care of after he was gone. They like jello."

[endsthegame]

"Of course they do," Ender murmured. "Wouldn't be Fandom if anyone stuck to the basics of biology and the laws of nature."

[glacial_queen]

Karla shrugged. "If she's anything like the Delirium on the island, her disregard for laws of nature was established long before she got here."

[endsthegame]

"But she found her way here," he noted. Then shook his head. "It's not important," he said. "How long have you had the frogs?"

[glacial_queen]

"Since last Thursday," Karla said. And they still looked healthy! "I got them as Drake was cleaning out his office. They're pretty, if kind of boring."

That didn't mean Karla had abandoned her plans to spoil the Hell out of them.